Editing Up the Down Steroid (section) Warning: You are not logged in. Your IP address will be publicly visible if you make any edits. If you log in or create an account, your edits will be attributed to your username, along with other benefits.Anti-spam check. Do not fill this in!==Story== ===Description=== [[Jimmy Valmer|Jimmy]] and [[Timmy Burch|Timmy]] are training to participate in the Special Olympics in Denver. When Cartman discovers that the event's top athlete gets $1,000, he decides to fake a disability and win the cash. In order to pass as "disabled," Cartman trains in classic South Park fashion -- with a montage. Backed by the song "Push It to the Limit," he practices making stupid faces, gives himself a horrendous haircut, starts wearing a bicycle helmet at all times, and carefully studies the behavior of kids riding the "short bus." He even convinces his mom to accompany him when he signs up to participate. Meanwhile, Jimmy decides to improve his chances by juicing up on steroids. Soon he outperforms everyone -- but at a terrible price. First, he's shamed when Timmy discovers what he's doing. Then, in a fit of 'roid rage, Jimmy beats up his girlfriend and his mother. However, when game day comes, all that juicing helps Jimmy dominate the Special Olympics competition. Things don't go so well for Cartman, however. Though he possesses no mental or physical disabilities, he's so fat and out of shape that he's soundly beaten in every event. Jimmy claims first place at the awards ceremony, while Cartman, who came in last, is given a "spirit award" -- a gift certificate to Shakey's Pizza. But when he steps forward to claim his prize, Jimmy furiously accuses him of cheating -- and then realizes the irony of one cheater accusing another. He confesses to using steroids, renounces his medal, and promises to return next year to compete "with honor." Cartman, attempting to salvage the situation, tells his friends that he pretended to be disabled just to teach Jimmy about the evils of steroid abuse. Not surprisingly, no one buys it. ===What I Learned Today=== "I know now that even if you do win on steroids, you're really not winners. You're just a pussy; you're just a big fat pussy. And if you take steroids, the only decent thing to do is come forward and say, 'Remove me from the record books, because I am a big, stinky pussy, steroid-taking jackass.'" ===Memorable Quotes=== * "Der! I want to be in the Special Olympics!" [[Cartman]] * "I can't believe they exploit handicapped people like this. I mean, making them compete against each other just for our amusement." [[Cartman]] *"Jimmy, were you masturbating?" [[Ryan Valmer]] * "You sure you weren't masturbating, Jim? It's okay if you were." [[Ryan Valmer]] * "You guys' brains just can't compute complex plans like mine can." [[Cartman]] * "You try to leave me and I'll kill you, bitch." [[Jimmy Valmer]] * "Cartman, if you do this, I really believe that you will go to Hell." [[Kyle]] * "What are you gonna do, Kyle, tell on me?! Then you'd be a great big no good double faced poopy pants tattle tale. Is that really how you deal with your problems? Grow up, Kyle." [[Cartman]] * "Um, Mommm. Would you mind coming with me to sign up for the Special Olympics so I can beat all the handicapped kids and win a thousand dollars?" [[Cartman]] * "I just want a chance to change. Help me change?" [[Cartman]] * "I should kick your ass right here you lousy no good cheater!" [[Jimmy Valmer]] * "Taking steroids is just like pretending to be handicapped at the Special Olympics." [[Jimmy Valmer]] Summary: Please note that all contributions to South Park Wiki may be edited, altered, or removed by other contributors. If you do not want your writing to be edited mercilessly, then do not submit it here. You are also promising us that you wrote this yourself, or copied it from a public domain or similar free resource (see South Park Wiki:Copyrights for details). Do not submit copyrighted work without permission! Cancel Editing help (opens in new window)