Editing Tsst! (section)

==Story==

===Description===
Cartman's mother is called into Mr. Mackey's office after her son's reckless actions land another student in the hospital.  It seems that Cartman's behavior is completely off the charts and, not knowing what else to do, his mother turns to reality TV shows.  She first calls upon the expert help of Nanny Stella from Nanny 911, but after only a few hours with Cartman, she's driven to near-homicidal rage.  

Super Nanny arrives on the scene and guarantees a "new Eric Cartman" in 3 days time.  In that time, however, Cartman does something so unspeakable that she goes completely insane and has to be locked up in a mental institution.

As a last resort, Cesar Millan from The Dog Whisperer is called in. Though he's not exactly an expert on children, his dog training techniques work extremely well on Cartman, whom he describes as dominant, aggressive, and obese. The trick, he says, is for Cartman's mother to become the "pack leader." 

To Cartman's fury, Millan demonstrates this by "nipping" at his neck with two fingers and resolutely ignoring him until he becomes calm and submissive. Cartman is taken for a walk on a leash, then forced to submit to the adults' authority before being given a piece of chicken from a bucket of KFC.

Not surprisingly, he doesn't take well to the new regimen. He tries to run away, but when none of his friends will take him in, he soon returns home. Deciding that murdering his mother is his only way back to a "normal" life, he sneaks into her bedroom with a knife while she sleeps. 

But suddenly, at the last possible moment, it dawns on him -- perhaps for the first time -- that his mom is a human being, not his property. And perhaps, just perhaps, the world doesn't revolve around him. This leads to a violent, surrealistic battle between his good and bad sides, before the good finally, amazingly, triumphs. 

Beaten, Cartman vomits black ink in the hallway and passes out.
The next day his mom finds him in the kitchen, eating a sensible breakfast and studying for school. Delighted with the change, she thanks Cesar Millan and asks him to see Madame Butterfly with her that Friday. But Millan, to whom she's only a client, politely declines and leaves town.  

Dejected, she asks Cartman if he'll go with her to the show instead -- and then bribes him with a visit to KFC and the promise of a new toy. Cartman asks for two new toys.  His old self, it seems, has triumphed after all.

===What I Learned Today===
"The world doesn't revolve around me!"

===Memorable Quotes===
* "Stop trying to bogart my Xbox, you fat bitch!" [[Cartman]]
* "Yes, let the anger come! Strike me down while you can. But it won't make your dried-up ovaries any more fertile!" [[Cartman]]
* "God dammit! I am not a dog!" [[Cartman]]
* "Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle to a flagpole and then gave him a hacksaw. And then told him I had poisoned his lunch milk and that the only way he could get to the antidote in time would be to saw through his leg." [[Cartman]]
* "What the hell is this? Skinless chicken? Boiled vegetables and salad? This is just like Auschwitz!" [[Cartman]]
* "Well nice going asshole, you made my mom cry."  [[Cartman]]
* "HE SPIT IN MY MOUTH!"  [[Nanny Stella]]
* "Alright, seriously, you're starting to piss me off now." [[Cartman]]
* "TSST!" [[Cesar Millan]]
* "I've thought about it a lot, and I've decided I have to kill my mom." [[Cartman]]