Editing Probably (section) Warning: You are not logged in. Your IP address will be publicly visible if you make any edits. If you log in or create an account, your edits will be attributed to your username, along with other benefits.Anti-spam check. Do not fill this in!==Story== ===Description=== The South Park children build a church-shaped shack to live in sinlessness, skip school, avoid home as much as possible, and listen earnestly to [[Cartman]], who acts like a televangelist preacher. [[Kenny]] calls from Ensenada, Mexico where the bus that hit him in the previous episode dragged him. However, the boys believe that he is in Hell and that he is calling from "beyond the grave". Cartman uses Kenny's description of Mexico as his profile of Hell for his next sermon. In the real Hell, [[Satan]]'s love triangle situation with his former lover, [[Saddam Hussein]], and his present one, Chris, has taken a turn for the worse. Chris and Saddam repeatedly murder each other, only to resurrect since they are already in Hell. Satan wonders if he should be with Saddam, whom he finds sexually attractive, or Chris, who is kinder and gentler. JonBenet Ramsey suggests that he ask God for help. The Hell director welcomes a group of new arrivals to Hell. Many of them are observant people practicing different religious faiths who express surprise at being there, but they are told that they picked the wrong religion, and that the Mormons were the right answer. Satan goes to visit [[God]] for advice. God berates Satan for being so emotionally dependent on romantic relationships and is not at all like he was when God first cast him out of Heaven. God suggests that Satan dump both lovers, spend time alone, and learn to appreciate himself, stating that this is how good relationships develop. Satan agrees and thanks God for his counsel before returning to Hell. Meanwhile, Cartman has turned the children's church into an Evangelical-type cult and attempts to perform miracles during his services by slapping demons and curses out of his patients. Soon, Stan and Kyle discover Cartman swimming in cash in the church rectory. Cartman confesses easily that the whole situation has merely been his latest scheme to make ten million dollars by conning the other kids. [[Stan]] and [[Kyle]] are disillusioned by this, but they can't do anything about it as long as other children keep giving their money to Cartman. [[Sister Anne]], however, asks [[Jesus Christ]] to visit. Jesus tells the kids that God does not want them to fear obsessively over Hell, or to spend every waking minute worshiping all day, but to help others and live good, happy lives. The children, touched by this, agree with Jesus and decide to leave and return to their normal lives. Jesus punishes Cartman for defrauding his friends by sending him to somewhere "worse" than Hell - Ensenada, Baja California - to think about his sins. Upon arriving there, he is greeted by Kenny. Satan tells Saddam and Chris that he does not want to be with either of them and asks them to leave him alone. Chris agrees and leaves Satan, but Saddam refuses to go, and continues harassing him. Satan blasts a hole in Saddam's abdomen, and when Saddam taunts Satan that he will eventually regenerate and reappear whole as is commonplace with people injured in Hell, Satan informs him that this will not occur, as he asked a favor of a "friend". With that, Saddam finds himself suddenly transported in Heaven, where to his horror, he is greeted by Mormons. ===What I Learned Today=== "God doesn't want you to spend all your time being afraid of hell, or praising his name. God wants you to spend your time helping others, and living a good, happy life. That's how you live for him." ===Memorable Quotes=== * "It's time to stop preaching damnation to everyone, sweetie." [[Liane Cartman]] * "Man, look at that! We went through 14 bottles of vegetable oil!" [[Saddam Hussein]] * "My brain is of a much larger size than you guys's. I couldn't expect you to understand, not until you actually saw the cash flow." [[Cartman]] * "Do not think that you can tempt us with toys and games and powdered donut pancake surprise!" [[Cartman]] * "Satan, I'm a nineties man. I cry when I need to, I share my feelings, and I keep my mind open about everything." [[Chris]] * "Right now, all the Jewness is coming out of your body, and being replaced by the spirit of God-a!" [[Cartman]] * "Right here we have a little girl who's very, very ugly. Do you believe he's going to cure your face of the uglies?" [[Cartman]] * "Now you are all part of my domain!!! Every day hell grows larger and my minions... My minions..." [[Satan]] * "I'm sorry, I just can't do this today. I'm just... I'm sorry…" [[Satan]] Summary: Please note that all contributions to South Park Wiki may be edited, altered, or removed by other contributors. If you do not want your writing to be edited mercilessly, then do not submit it here. You are also promising us that you wrote this yourself, or copied it from a public domain or similar free resource (see South Park Wiki:Copyrights for details). Do not submit copyrighted work without permission! Cancel Editing help (opens in new window)