Editing Erection Day (section)

==Story==

===Description===
Jimmy starts getting sexually aroused at unpredictable and inconvenient moments. South Park Elementary's talent show is coming up and his stand-up routine is a yearly prizewinner. Terrified of getting a hard-on in front of the entire school, he confides in Butters. Butters gives Jimmy a childish, misconstrued lesson on sexual intercourse, suggesting the only way to get rid of an erection is to stick it inside a woman's vagina.

Armed with this knowledge, Jimmy explicitly propositions a little girl named Bertha in the school hallway. She immediately rejects him. Cartman, overhearing, offers a more time-honored strategy -- take a girl to a nice Italian restaurant and pretend to be a good listener.  

Jimmy manages to get dinner at Buca de Faggoncini with a girl named Shauna while "secretly" communicating with Cartman through two-way radio headsets. Following Cartman's guidance, the date goes well until Jimmy gets ahead of himself and asks for sex.  Outraged, Shauna tosses a glass of water on him, shorting out his headset and electrocuting him.

The night of the talent show Jimmy sits on the curb outside, miserable and afraid to compete. Officer Barbrady happens to pass by, listens to his troubles, and informs Jimmy that little girls don't want to have sex. However, the streetwalkers who work at Colfax Point are more than willing to. 

At Colfax Point, Jimmy finds a plump prostitute named Nut Gobbler. Ignorant of how hooker/client relationships work, he takes her out to Buca de Faggoncini yet again for dinner. But before he can seal the deal, they're surprised by Nut Gobbler's pimp, Q-Money, who thinks Jimmy is trying to steal his ho.

The pimp takes off with Nut Gobbler in his car. Jimmy pursues her in a taxi. After a long chase, the pimp drags Nut Gobbler to a rooftop, where Jimmy battles him using the only weapon at his disposal -- the weapon of comedy. He distracts the pimp with jokes while Nut Gobbler sneaks up and clocks him with a pipe. The hooker and the fourth-grader then retire to a cheap hotel for sex.

Meanwhile back at school, the long and dreary talent show is finally coming to an end. But just as Ms. Garrison is about to call it an evening, Jimmy shows up and asks for the microphone.  Spent and confident, he begins his stand-up routine and then suddenly gets another erection.

===What I Learned Today===
"You see, Jimmy, when a man's penis becomes hard, the man puts it into a lady. Into her 'vagina.' Then, the hard penis sneezes milk inside the lady's tummy, and after it's all done sneezin' milk, the penis stops bein' hard, and the man loses interest in the lady."

===Memorable Quotes===
* "Jimmy, as you get older your body goes through a lot of changes. Certain hormones start to release as your whole reproductive system begins to awaken. And so if you like, we can take off our shirts and kiss." [[Dr. Pal]]
* "I've been laid like 5,000 times." [[Cartman]]
* "I need to put my penis in a woman's vagina. Any takers?" [[Jimmy]]
* "Follow that pimp and ho!" [[Jimmy]]
* "Now we will tally up the judges' scores and find out which act they hated the least." [[Ms. Garrison]]
* "Hey, who's droppin' bombs in there?!  How about a courtesy flush?"  [[Butters]]
* "Alright, Jimmy, when she finally shuts her trap again, I want you to repeat whatever she said and then follow it with 'Wow, how insightful.'"  [[Cartman]]
* "Colfax Point.  Pimps and hos and tricks in rows.  Women walk the streets with corns on their feets.  Broken dreams, and no ice creams "  [[Narrator]]
* "I have a raging hard-on that just won't quit, and the talent show has already started!" [[Jimmy]]
* "Sir!  I paid for that lady and by taking her, you are no better than a common thief!"  [[Jimmy]]
* "Nut Gobbler!  Grab onto my crutch!"  [[Jimmy]]